A Guide to Talking About Hard Truths from @drbeckyatgoodinside (goodinside.com)

Follow these steps to talk to your children about what’s happening in Ukraine or other emotional topics.

1. Don’t just “jump in.” Do start slow

Start with “I want to talk about something serious, that we’ll all have big feeling about.“

Talk slowly, make eye contact; this maintains connection and helps a child feel safer.

2. Don’t be vague. Do use real words.

It’s important to tell the truth. Using real words (invasion, rockets, death) builds trust.

Two things are true: We don’t want to flood kids with fear and when kids ask questions, they are ready for truthful answers.

3. Don’t just stick to the facts. Do check in about feelings.

Pause a various points and ask, “What’s this like to talk about?” It’s okay if your child remains silent. You can share, “I know it’s heavy stuff.”

If your child becomes upset, give permission for the feeling and name your presence. “It’s okay to feel sad about it. I’m right here with you.”

4. Don’t feel you need all the answers. Do learn together – over time.

Feel free to say, “Great question. I don’t know. Let’s look into it together.”

You can also say, “We can keep talking about this. In fact, it’s important we do because you may have questions or feelings that come up. I’m here for all of them. You can ask me anything.”

5. Don’t make it “neat” and “tied up”. Do tolerate the discomfort.

It’s okay to cry. You can say, “Our tears tell us that our body is having an important reaction. That makes sense given what we’re talking about.”

You might also add, “Even when I cry, I am still your parent who can take care of you. I can be sad and strong at the same time.”